monk sculpture

This is a Chinese wood sculpture from the Seattle Asian Art Museum entitled "Monk at the Moment of Enlightenment". I visited the museum a couple weeks ago, and even though it wasn't the first time I'd seen it, this sculpture really left a strong impression on me. The look on his face, the movement of the body and robes... I really like it.

the practice of no practice

I haven't been too buddhist lately. I haven't done a lot of the things I used to. I haven't been sitting regularly, I haven't been going to sangha and I haven't been reading a lot of buddhist literature. For a while i considered myself burned out but I realized it isn't that. A little bit ago I started reading about dudeism, which is this religion based around the character the dude in the movie the big lebowski. They draw a lot from buddhism as well as other eastern religions and philosophies. Mostly what it's about and what I think my practice is about mainly these days is a sense of going with the flow and taking it easy. For me this ethic started in buddhism with the first noble truth of suffering. I now realize that there are going to be ups and downs, strikes and gutters to put it in dudeist terms and the best antidote for all of it is to simply abide and to totally accept everything that happens as part of the totality of this human experience. For example, I just failed a test on karl marx in my social theory class. I was quite hung up about it for a little while but as i've reflected on this, I have realized that wallowing in it isn't going to solve anything. There isn't anything thats going to change what happened so all i can do is move on. I have noticed that when i do sit i notice it is quite beneficial, I don't want it to become a chore though. I've move past this idea of more mediation=quicker enlightenment. For me i am constantly practicing seeing past good and bad and enlightened vs unenlightened and just accepting everything as a part of the cosmic play that is unfolding.

fender bender

In the Zen tradition there is a practice in some lineages of monks walking behind meditators (usually other monks) and striking them with a stick. A few days ago life hit me with a zen stick.

It's kind of funny because I was sitting in traffic, and in my rear-view mirror I noticed a minivan behind me with a dashboard full of Beanie Baby stuffed animals. I sarcastically thought to myself, "Great, I'm going to get rear-ended by a bunch of Beanie Babies."

Minutes later I was stopped at a red light, un-mindfully minding my own business. I was probably thinking about music or errands or something else inane, when BAM!, I was hit from behind.

My head whiplashed. I hit the car in front of me. My seatbelt did its job.

The woman in the Beanie Baby van got out and ran up to my window, "I'm so sorry!!"

I was kind of dazed, "Yeah, alright... I guess we should pull over..."

Anyway, no real injuries. My bumper has some damage that she's going to have pay for. However, for the last couple of days the power and sound of that impact have hovered in my mind. I know that if it wasn't for my daily meditation practice, this event and lingering feeling would leave me feeling much more rattled and uneasy.

I also realized today that the feeling and sound of that impact is the last sensation that many, many people feel.

You're sitting in traffic, un-mindfully minding your own business, when BAM!! ... and it's lights out. You're gone.


"This life of ours would not cause you sorrow if you thought of it as like the mountain cherry blossoms which bloom and fade in a day."
~ Murasaki Shikibu

soto zen

On Sunday I went and meditated with a local Zen group. My prior practice experience has been with vipassana and Korean Zen groups. This new group I visited is Japanese Soto Zen, affiliated with the larger Everyday Zen group out of California. They wear dark colors, there is chanting (mostly in English), and there are brief periods of walking meditation (kinhin) in addition to the actual sitting (zazen).

A friend who is interested in Buddhism was asking me if it was guided meditation, and I realized that it was very un-guided. That's how zen is. When I first arrived I told the priest that I had sat with a couple of other groups (of different traditions), and after that they pretty much left me alone to follow their regular routine as best as I could. No problem though, I greatly enjoyed it.

At one point an older man leaned over to tell me what page in the chant book they were using. I recognized him as the philosophy professor who had assigned the first Buddhist book I ever read, several years ago in college.

being peace

Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book "Being Peace", says that the world is like a small boat lost at sea with several people in it. If everyone freaks out, fighting and losing their cool, the chances of everyone surviving are greatly decreased. But if even one person can remain calm and peaceful, he or she can have a positive influence on others, and help the group to survive. Hanh says that Buddhists are in a unique position to be like this one calm person. I saw the video below this morning, and it reminded me of the influence we have on others.

downing article

This was a cool (and short) article in last week's New York Times Magazine. It was written by a guy struggling with health problems and multiple major surgeries. I liked the emphasis it places on living in and appreciating the present moment.

"Maybe life is not a lesson, or maybe I am a bad student, but I knew nothing but how sweet it is to catch an unexpected breeze."

Lives: Sudden Death, or Breeze (Michael Downing)

Emptiness

Emptiness is not about Loneliness......

Emptiness is in no way related to Depression....

Emptiness is not Boredom or Aloofness as claimed by western sociologists & psychiatrists

-------

Emptiness is simply to know oneself & understand the beauty & bestiality of things around us....

Positive & Negative.... Good & Bad....Happiness & Sorrow go hand in hand.....

Emptiness is also Meditation as it gives one the opportunity to reflect since we no one is perfect & we all learn from our actions, Emptiness gives us the opportunity to let-go for moments when we are simply with ourselves......in joy or sorrow!

the four mountains parable

Several months ago I heard a Buddhist parable that left a strong impression on me. I've looked for it on-line, but I haven't been able to find a written version of it. Since I can't remember the exact title, I'll just call it The Four Mountains Parable, and re-tell it here as best I can.

A king heard that the Buddha was a great wise man, and so called him to his court for philosophical advice. When the Buddha arrived, the King asked, "How should I live my life? What should I do to have a meaningful life?"

The Buddha responded, "That is a common question. But first, I have to tell you something. Before you consider these other issues, you must understand this. There are four mountains descending upon your kingdom, and they will utterly destroy you and everything within your kingdom. There is no escape.

There is a mountain descending upon you from the north. It will utterly destroy you and everything within your kingdom.

There is a mountain descending upon you from the south. It will utterly destroy you and everything within your kingdom.

There is a mountain descending upon you from the east. It will utterly destroy you and everything within your kingdom.

There is a mountain descending upon you from the west. It will utterly destroy you and everything within your kingdom."

The point of the story is that we are all like the king, and the four mountains descending from all directions represent death. Realizing and accepting our own mortality is an important theme in Buddhist philosophy.

I especially like this parable because it not only reminds us of the inevitability of death, but of the temporary nature of everything around us as well. There is a person in my life who hurt me, years ago. I've been angry at them for a long time. But thinking of this parable helps me to have more compassion for them. We are all here only a limited time, what's the point? Soon they'll be gone anyway, and so will I. This might sound a bit morbid, but I think it's just a more understanding view of this situation called life.

It's been a while but I am still here

It has been too long since I have posted so here is an update.

I spent my summer working at the camp I love. In the foothills of North Carolina. This is truly one of my favorite places on this planet. I did not have the self discipline to meditate formerly there, but this summer I was able to grow immensely. I gained valuable leadership skills, and of course got even better at canoeing, the activity in which I instruct

Since the summer I have been back at school busy as ever! I continue to manage the football team, however due to my other various commitments have been spending less time than I have in the past with that.

I am a senior leader in a freshman dorm. As much as I love this, it is quite a challenge. Taking two advance placement courses and applying to colleges has made my work load rather large.

Yet I continue down my path, I am one of 4 regular members of the religious discussion group on campus, I am joined by a Jewish student, a Lutheran faculty member presently in seminary, and a christian student. I will talk more about this later.

I have recently greatly benefited from the updating and re-design of http://www.plumvillage.org/ and have been chanting along with the mp3's on the website. Well time is short and I must go to my next class.

-nick

knowing myself, better

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a passage in "Everyday Zen: Love & Work" where the author says that situations where we find ourselves confused about what to do arise because there is something we do not know about ourselves.

Today I was talking to a friend about an "everyday" problem I have: how serious I want to be in a current relationship. I felt tired and confused. I remember what Joko Beck said, and I thought that I'd like to meditate. Right then and there. Then, hopefully, I would "just know" what to do, naturally.

But of course you can't just plop down on the floor for 30 minutes every time you feel confused about something.

There is a scene in the film "Fight Club" where the apparently crazy character Tyler Durden pours lye on the hand of apparently sane main character's hand. As the chemical burn sets in, the main character closes his eyes and tries to go into a protective trance (complete with chanting). However Durden slaps him across the face and says, "NO! Don't tune out like those losers do! This is the best time of your life, and you're off... somewhere else!!"

If I haven't mentioned it before, "Fight Club" is my second most favorite Buddhist film (after "Groundhog Day"), and this scene is especially zen-inspired.

In this scene lies a tip for my earlier problem. No, I don't need to plop down on the floor and meditate when I'm unsure of what to do. Meditation practice is important. But I also want to carry elements of what I do on the cushion with me throughout the day. I want to be more aware, more accepting, and live more in the present. I want to know myself better, and to practice without practicing.

Anger and Peace, Beauty in the Beast

(x-posted, Asexy Buddhist blog)

I have been sitting zazen often for the past couple of weeks. Just about every morning I wake up and sit and watch my mind for anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes. It has been a revealing practice. I have become  increasingly attuned to my feelings, I find that there is a lot of anger and anxiety, a continual gushing of hostility.

The reason for all this negative energy is obvious. It has to do with my verve for truth, consciousness, and awareness; this in addition to my recent dabbling with the skeptics, champions of reason and critical thinkers like James Randi, Richard Dawkins, Michael Shermer and their associates and associations.

There is just so much baloney out there. Baloney referring to astute producers of baloney, which in turn proves a baloney case. And this signifies truth. Because of this, we must all remain very conscious and ware of all our thoughts and actions. As the great thinker Jiddu Krishnamurthi once said, "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

I must be in the throes of good health. A side effect- a direct-effect really- of which is that I experience much anger in reaction to the function of the world. Excuse me, my perception of the function of the world. As an avowed Buddhist, I try my best to express myself and see the world positively or with neutrality. But it is all just so overwhelming. It is overwhelming to see why there is so much suffering (an incredibly vicious and stupefying cycle). As an avowed Buddhist, I have to accept suffering, mine and that of the world, as truth and reality. I have to deeply understand that suffering, dissatisfaction, and tumult are integral parts in this world of form, consciousness, personality, and attachment. In hindsight, I realize that my reactivity is an important component of the function and peak condition of this vicious cycle.

For every time I see blatantly unconscious, distracted couples, or whenever I see a sexually charged promo for a night club and react in holier-than-thou, morally conscious manner,  and as though my sense of self were under attack, every time that happens I  buy into the sick society. I forget that critical thinking, skepticism, lay buddhism, and some forms of asexuality are continual practices. We have to stay on top of our game, and eventually, hopefully, being conscious and asexual in the world will be less of a chore. We will be more skilled in dealing with the ish. We will exist with great peace. I think the key is to be eternally accepting. (Sort of like that rule of improvisational theater, "never deny another's reality," or, “always say yes.")

To remain conscious in a sexual society is to be asexual, or as some would argue, pomosexual. Every action taken by an "adult" or young adult ought to enrich consciousness and awareness. Really, it ought to be this way because most if not all actions we take and thoughts we form are directly or indirectly  informed by education and conditioning of society and are, therefore, manifestations of subconscious seduction and advocation for ideas beyond our own volition, understanding and history. Honestly, it is a kind and considerate gesture to the sexual world for someone to be asexual; to postpone sexual advances and advancement until there is total conscious will. In this way of being we help stop not-rape. (For more notes on not-rape see shades of gray post on not-rape and fugitivus post on not-rape)

(I have to say, I am not very happy with the definition of asexuality that "we just don't experience sexual attraction" ... Some argue that some asexuals are pomosexual. While this may be true for some people, like the angry or hostile asexual, pomosexuality holds little interest for the asexual except perhaps to further community, education, and pride with the LGBT&friends movement.)

And this brings me to the great realization I experienced these past few weeks of sitting: though I feel as though there is more to be explored in asexual identity, I also wish to return to the sexual realm with my gained knowledge, confidence, and awareness of self and other: a greater appreciation of "I and thou" vs. objectification. If I were to explore further my asexy identity, I would probably end up with my head (further?) up my ass. Really, there can only be so much analyzing to be done by the asexual without them subverting and undermining their reality. (see asexy beast post on what asexuals like)

Asexuality is natural, a neutral state of consciousness. Asexuality humbles and piques awareness, so any forcefulness and anger that arises about the conduct of the world is steeped in ignorance; furthermore, asexuals do not belong on high horses claiming "higher" moral ground. An ancient habit, really. Even on our journey to build community and respect we must remember to remain as we are, humble and confident.

meditating outside

I meditated outside for the first time today. It was more out of necessity than desire. It's been really hard for me to meditate daily lately while I temporarily live in a household with multiple kids and other adults.

But this morning I was walking back to my car after running in the park. I passed two women who just happened to be talking about meditation. "It makes me so much more calm and focused..." one of them said. I agree. I wondered if anyone would be home when I got back -- if the house was empty I might squeeze in some practice. But what about outside? Right now? I looked around. What if someone saw me... "What's that nut doing?" What if an animal attacked me? You know, one of those giant mutant predatory squirrels.

A few yards later I spotted a trail that cut through the bushes and trees and up the hill, away from the sidewalk and beach. I took it. I found a spot where an exposed tree root made a natural step in the ground, where I could sit cross-legged with my rear-end a few inches higher than my feet. I set my cellphone alarm clock for just 20 minutes, closed my eyes, and got down to business.

I heard waves on the beach, birds in the trees, boats in the distance, and felt wind on my face. Woopty-doo. *Everything* is nice in the beginning. But then the real practice started. My feet went numb faster, used to carpet but now pressed into dirt and rocks. Tired from running, I kept having to straighten my back. Something landed on my left cheek. A voice in my head periodically said, screw it, that's enough, just get up. But I sat, and it was a good sit.

sunshine film

At first the film "Sunshine" seemed way to dark and pessimistic for my liking. I'm sure others felt the same. But the more I thought about it, the more I appreciated a few of the Buddhist-related themes in the film, such as mindfulness.

(Spoiler Alert)

In the film, a crew of several scientists are hurtling towards the sun on a suicide mission to save the Earth by putting a nuclear bomb in the dying sun to re-ignite it. It wasn't supposed to be a suicide mission, but it is now. They know they will not survive, they will not come back. The best they can hope for is that they will complete their mission before they die, and even that will be very difficult.

You might already be familiar with the Buddhist story of The Strawberry. A monk is traveling through the forest, and comes upon a tiger. He turns and runs. Coming to a cliff, he grabs some vines and climbs over the side. While hanging on the side, with the tiger above, he sees another tiger at the bottom, waiting for him. Two mice emerge from a hole and begin to nibble on the vine he is hanging on. The monk sees a strawberry plant growing near him. He picks one, and eats it, and it is the most wonderful thing he has ever tasted.

This story is basically the premise of "Sunshine", except the main characters in the film are in space and dealing with different challenges (mechanical failures, human mistakes, sabotage, etc). In the end of the film, they have flown their ship into the sun and detonated their bomb. One character stares with scientific wonder at the beauty of the explosion as it grows and engulfs him.

the next step

I finally went and sat with a local meditation group this week. It's a Korean zen lineage, and they were friendly and humble folks. Although the several other people there on that week night were all white Americans, we met in an actual Korean Buddhist temple. The temple was about the size of your average home, with a pretty blue ceramic tile roof. Inside there was just one large room, with a polished wood floor, and three large gold seated-Buddha statues in the front. On the wall behind the large Buddha statues were shelves from shoulder-height to the ceiling with hundreds of the same seated gold Buddha figure, each about ten inches tall. It was a very visually impressive scene. However, I have to admit that as an American coming to Buddhism from a mostly psychological approach, all of this ornate design made me a little wary. It just seems much more... religious. But as I said, the people were friendly and humble, and I enjoyed it.

I had sat with a vipassana meditation group before, but this was my first sitting with a zen group.

We chanted, we sat for a half hour, we did walking meditation, then we sat again for another half hour. Afterwards there was a brief reading and discussion.

I really liked it, and plan to return. I've been working on a daily meditation practice on my own for almost two years now, and look forward to adding a weekly group sitting.

Buddhas Are Asexual

(x-posted, Asexy Buddhist blog)

"May all beings be happy!"

Wow, how could I have written about anything besides metta in a buddhist blog concerning relationships between sentient beings? Metta is a difficult word despite its simple essence. Good luck trying to find it in the dictionary because it's probably not in there. This is because metta is a concept in Buddhist language- but generally a word that emerged from Eastern thought- that is difficult to translate into English. The closest translation is hybrid word: lovingkindness. I'll take care not to give a concrete definition of this word as most eastern languages, modern and ancient, for example, Pali and Sanskrit depend on vagueness and open-ended sentence structures.

Loving...Kindness. Metta. Metta, lovingkindness. It is a way of being. It is a full-body sensation. A perception of mind. It is the way of being. It is harmonious. When I think of metta, I think of lions, cats, birds, bears, babies, and deer picnicking under the shade of a willow by a slow stream, all sharing a grand yet tranquil time, eating, drinking, laughing and smiling.

Now, imagine yourself on a short nature walk. You’re just taking a few minutes to stretch your legs, give your eyes a break from the papers and screens, and to get some fresh air.

The trail snakes away from your line of sight and around a bend. You hear some sounds coming from the creek below. You walk over towards the clamor and shift the shrubbery over to get a clear view. Lions! And Tigers! And Bears! Aah! A baby! A lion with a deer leg in its mouth. You freak out, wanting so badly to dash in there and save the baby (and maybe a kitten or two). You take off through the brush.

Can you pick out which scenario portrayed metta? It's simple, right? Both scenes were of metta. You see, metta is a feeling of oneness. In terms of metta, all the creatures were caring for one another and enjoying the feast. You also had metta for overcoming fear and dashing to the rescue. Moreover, what are we to make of the lion gnawing on the deer leg? Hmm this one's a bit difficult to explain, so here's a Buddhist saying:

One, persisting in the state of metta, should have no doubts, second or 3rd thoughts about feeding their hand to a starving dog by the road. Such an action should be as inconsequential as an autumn leaf falls to the ground.

Well, it goes something like that. And I think I should take a moment to say that I am only an amateur, freelance Buddhist and with only minimal studies of suttas and discourse. Take anything I say about Buddhism with 300 grains of salt.

What in the world does this have to do with asexuality? Not much but this: metta is sexless; it's a feeling that the Buddhas say is a natural and neutral state of being when no defilements of mind (ignorance, fear) are present. I like to think about it this way, "How do my penis and their mammary glands concern this very moment?"

I'll go into further depths of this question/philosophy and the word I (think I) coined concerning metta and sexlessness and nonsexuality.

Sexual Intercaste: (n. social psych, relations; interpersonal)
hierarchical system of perception and understanding in which a person relates to 'others' in terms of reproductive roles and genitalia, or sexuality and orientation, or all of the above.